


Kindred Spirits

by kstrumpets



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asthma, Asthmatic Kujou Tenn, I'll be updating tags as i go, IDOLiSH7 Tenn, M/M, Roleswap, TRIGGER Riku, but it follows part 2 timeline for the most part, nanase tenn and kujou riku au, ok nanase tenn but still, part 2 spoilers, with a twist that i won't describe in the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-05-31 11:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19424752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kstrumpets/pseuds/kstrumpets
Summary: The asthmatic Nanase Tenn is the younger twin brother of TRIGGER's center, Kujou Riku. Tenn is IDOLiSH7's center. That's how it's always been.That's definitely how it's always been.Except he can't get this image out of his head—him alongside Yaotome Gaku and Tsunashi Ryuunosuke. Riku in IDOLiSH7.It's almost like—





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> before i get to proper notes, i do want to emphasize: **there are heavy part 2 spoilers in this. if you're worried about that, please don't read**
> 
> OKAY HELLO welcome to my ride that is kindred spirits! i've been working on this since late january and now i can actually start posting it >:3c
> 
> this is a wild ride, and it's painful. that being said, i hope you enjoy!

His chest burned with every cough that racked through him, gasping for air that got caught in his throat more than it reached his lungs. He fumbled for his water bottle and tore off the lid as he searched for some form of relief. The cool water ran down his throat, and he found he could breathe easier. A relieved sigh slipped through his lips after he emptied his bottle of its contents.

"Nanase-san, are you okay?" Iori dropped down in front of him, balancing himself on the balls of his feet as he squatted with an arm outstretched awkwardly, as if he wanted to put a hand on his shoulder.

Straightening from his previously crouched position, he cleared his throat as though that alone would push away his problems. "Yeah, I'm fine. The water hel—" His sentence got caught off by his breath getting caught in his throat again. He tried to push down the urge to cough, but a little slipped through. Despite the water providing temporary relief, the throbbing pain in his chest came back to the point where it was impossible to ignore.

"Nanase-san! Please use your inhaler!" Iori's expression hardened and he stood up and turned in the direction of their stuff as though to retrieve the medicine himself.

He shook his head. "No. I'm fine." His tone was hardened with decisiveness. He didn't want the side-effects of shakiness and his throat full of gunk that affected his singing. Especially with Riku watching.

At some point, TRIGGER had started watching IDOLiSH7's rehearsal, but Tenn already had to step away to prevent himself from getting a full-blown asthma attack. He had to prove Riku's earlier comments wrong. He wasn't a failure as a professional.

TRIGGER—Riku—was watching. Tenn had to go on.

"If you say so..." Iori didn't look like he bought it—his eyebrows were betraying the frown he must've been hiding—but he joined the other members again.

Tenn sighed, then winced when he felt the burn again from the near-attack. He probably did need his inhaler, but he had the rest of the rehearsal to get through. And the performance after.

Standing up, Tenn walked to the nearest sink to refill his water bottle. He needed more water. It helped before, so it would help again. It had to. He had to sing. He had to—

He broke into more coughs, his body spasming in time with each one. The cold water from the faucet hit his hand, and he nearly dropped his bottle into the sink before he was able to regain control. Swallowing back his coughs, Tenn filled the bottle the rest of the way. After he turned off the water and dried his hand off, he rejoined the other members on the stage, but his thoughts were still swarming.

The stage director approached Tenn with a worried frown. "Tenn-kun, you don't seem too well. Are you okay? It's just a camera rehearsal, so it's fine if you rest for a bit. I'll have the AD staff cover for you."

"No!" Tenn answered too quickly. He cursed himself before he added, less urgently, "I'm fine."

"Tenn, sit out. The real show's right after," Yamato cut in.

"Yamato-san, I'm fine..." He coughed.

"Tenn-kun, it'd be best if you let someone fill in for you. You're—"

"I can do it!" Tenn interrupted Sougo. He jumped at the flash of red out the corner of his eye.

"I'll sub for him."

"Riku-nii?"

Instead of getting an answer, Riku pushed past him with a sigh. "You have to take your limits more seriously. You're holding up rehearsal," he muttered. "I will fill in for Tenn. He's clearly about to pass out."

"Kujou? You're filling in for Tenn?" Yamato had widened eyes and raised eyebrows.

"The other members shouldn't suffer because Tenn isn't taking care of himself."

Tenn flinched.

"Riku-nii..."

"Move."

Tenn reluctantly complied, but his thoughts were swirling. Familiarity coursed through him, and Tenn sighed as he realized he missed part of the conversation.

"Of course. I'm Kujou Riku. Who do you take me for? Please start."

The music played, and Riku danced in the position Tenn was supposed to be in. He didn't cut any corners; he was the most serious one in the studio. It felt like _Riku_ belonged to IDOLiSH7. It was almost as though he was never part of TRIGGER in the first place.

Tenn shook his head as if that alone would erase the image of Riku as a member of IDOLiSH7 from his mind. He reminded himself that his brother was just good at his job. That was all.

He sighed, even with his internal reassurance.

He allowed himself a moment to picture himself as a member of TRIGGER. However, despite himself expecting the image to be so bizarre that he would immediately stop questioning himself, he got further confused by how easily it came to mind.

How easily it seemed to fit.

"Tenn-san, please use your inhaler so you can be ready for the show."

Tenn whipped his head to look over at Tsumugi, disoriented from how out of focus he was. "Manager, I—" His protests got cut off by another coughing fit, so he sighed. He took his inhaler from her offering hand and held the mouthpiece between his lips and sucked in the medicine. He held his breath for a few seconds to let the medicine settle in his lungs.

Satisfied, Tsumugi walked away to watch the other members, leaving Tenn to his thoughts.

He bit his lip hard enough to distract himself. He knew he was going to cause issues if he kept lingering, so he tore his eyes away from the dancing—where he should've been. He looked down at himself, at his shaky hands from a mixture of stress and the inhaler, and tried to distract himself by observing the way his fingers trembled. He realized that the song was over, so he looked up again.

"How was it?" Riku asked the studio director.

"Perfect! You really saved us there. Thank you, Riku-kun!"

"Thank you, Kujou-san. I apologize for the trouble," Tsumugi added in.

"Rehearsals aren't just practice—they're for getting the studio pumped up for the actual performance as well. This is part of our job. Both the staff members and our fans respond to our sincerity." Riku was staring right at Tenn as he continued, "Using your poor condition as an excuse is just irresponsible."

Tenn winced. While he was hurt by the implication that he wasn't trying his hardest in spite of his asthma, he felt like everything about that was familiar. It was familiar, yet different.

"That's a logical argument. However, let me ask you something. Do you do this for other groups as well, Kujou-san?"

Riku narrowed his eyes at Iori. "What do you mean?"

Iori scoffed, crossing his arms as he stared down his nose at Riku. "You don't, correct? It's only because we're IDOLiSH7, and Nanase-san, your poor younger brother, is here. All this excessive meddling is why he's spoiled and can't do anything by himself!"

Tenn whipped his gaze between the two. He was aware of Riku tensing up as if he were about to spring at Iori.

"What did you just say, Izumi Iori."

Seconds later, Yamato and Ryuunosuke were grabbing Iori and Riku respectively and pulling them away from each other.

"Oi, oi, oi, Ichi, calm down! Kujou just helped us out!" Yamato looked at the two TRIGGER members and added, "I'm so sorry for all the trouble!"

"Riku, Iori-kun is right! You're butting into other agencies' affairs too often!" Ryuunosuke looked at Yamato and a frowning Iori. "Please forgive us!"

Yamato laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "No, no, no! You've always taken care of us! Let's have a drink some time!"

"Ah, that sounds great! We can go out for drinks when we have time! Come on, Riku."

Baffled by what was going on, Tenn tore his eyes away, pressing his back against the wall and sliding to the ground. He pulled his knees to his chest as he focused more on his whirling thoughts than what was happening. He tuned out everything else that was going on.

\---

Tenn sat on the couch in the dressing room, knees pressed to his chest. The image of Riku dancing with the rest of IDOLiSH7 kept running through his head, and he couldn't shake the feeling about how right it looked. He kept telling himself it was just his brother's perfection, but he didn't quite believe himself.

He sighed loudly.

"Tenn, cheer up! You did great in the actual performance! Look, Kokona-chan is cheering you on!"

He looked up at Mitsuki, who was holding a Magical☆Kokona figure. Nagi, who was trying to reclaim his figure, was batted away.

"You're so cool, Tenn! Have some pudding!" Sougo held out the container of pudding.

"Sou-chan, that's mine!" Tamaki complained.

Tenn blinked at the other members. He was wordless and baffled. "Guys, I..."

He was cut off by the two items being urged towards him, and he ended up holding up his hands as an attempt to ward them off.

"You two sound like you're trying to soothe a kid," Yamato commented.

Tenn bit his lip. He was overwhelmed by everyone trying to calm him down. "Thank you for the offers, but I don't want to bother you guys!" He looked down at his feet, which were still on the couch cushions. "Besides, I do that enough already."

"Tenn-kun..." Sougo sounded worried.

Tenn looked up again when he heard Iori mutter something before he and the manager walked out of the dressing room.

He had to continue to ward off the concerned Sougo and Mitsuki, so Tenn stood up and put a fake smile on his face. "See? I'm better already," he lied. He might've still been worried about why he kept thinking Riku looked like he belonged in IDOLiSH7, but he didn't want to bother the other members especially while they were trying to help cheer him up. "I just need to get better and prove to Riku-nii that I'm a good idol!"

Mitsuki and Sougo exchanged worried glances—both of their eyebrows were knitted together and they frowned—but they handed the stolen items back to Nagi and Tamaki respectively.

Tenn held back his sigh of relief. He just didn't want the others to worry about him.

"Tenn, you already are a good idol. If Kujou doesn't see that, you don't have to prove yourself," Yamato added in. "Don't let him get to you. You're a great center."

Tenn bit his lip again. "Thank you, Yamato-san, but I still want to get better. I was doing so well, so why am I getting worse again?" He sighed, then winced when his breath burned in his throat as if to emphasize his point.

Nobody else had a chance to say anything else, since Iori and Tsumugi walked back into the room. Their manager looked serious as she cleared her throat.

"Tenn-san, will you come with me please?"

He nodded as he walked to join her, then he felt nervous with Iori following him and Tsumugi out to the hallway.

"What's going on?" Tenn asked, trying to keep up his façade that he was fine.

Tsumugi looked guilty and her gaze was flitting around as though she wanted to look anywhere except Tenn or Iori. She only spoke up when Iori cleared his throat. "R-right! Tenn-san, would you be willing to let Iori-san fill in as center for you while you recover?"

Tenn gaped in surprise. "I-Iori?! As center?" The image almost scared Tenn. Iori was perfect, after all.

Still, the thought of being able to take a break from how hard he worked as center did sound like it would help him recover...

He was afraid of what Riku would say, though. Would he see it as proof that Tenn wasn't suited to be on stage?

Tenn sighed. He didn't like what Riku might've replied with, but he did know what would help him recover faster. He looked over at Iori, whose neutral face didn't give Tenn any help towards how he thought on the matter.

"Alright. Iori's center now," he answered.

\---

Iori as center. That would mean Tenn got a break from how hard he'd been working. He could get better, which would mean he could prove Riku wrong. Backing out as center for a little while didn't mean he was giving up. He was just putting his health first so he could be healthy for the fans. It wouldn't do him any good to work himself to an early grave.

Yet... Iori was perfect. What if he was a better center than Tenn ever had been? He didn't want to hurt the others just to prove to Riku—no, to himself—that he could be on stage. That he could be center.

He sighed and dropped to lay on his bed rather than to simply sit on it.

Tenn was the one in IDOLiSH7, yet Riku alongside the other members was eerily familiar. He couldn't ignore it. Riku was perfect too, yet that wasn't the reason that he seemed to fit in Tenn's spot. When he imagined his brother singing lines Tenn did, he could picture it perfectly. 

He winced. Was he really meant to be a member if he could be replaced so easily?

He sucked in a breath with the intention of sighing, but it caught in his throat and caused him to break into a fit of painful coughs. He gasped for air between each one. He sat up and reached for a cup on his table that thankfully had a small amount of water in it. He gulped it down, and it helped, but he wished he had more. He stood up, cup still in hand, to go to the kitchen to get himself more water.

He jumped at a knock on his door as he was reaching for the knob.

Tenn opened the door to find Sougo on the other side. The older boy was carrying a mug.

"Hello, Tenn-kun. I heard you coughing and I figured you would like some tea."

Tenn smiled, almost laughing despite his mood. "I was going to just get some water," he said, holding up the cup in his hand, "but I guess you beat me to it. Thanks."

Sougo dipped his head as he swapped cups with Tenn. "Of course. I'd like to do anything to help, especially since you seem stressed."

"My apologies for causing any concern," he replied. "I'm just worried about how I'm affecting the other members because I'm not performing to my best standards. I'm letting down our fans."

"You're not thinking too much about what Kujou-san said, are you?" Sougo tipped his head to the side and frowned as he looked him over.

Instead of answering Sougo, Tenn took a sip of the tea. It was spiced, surprisingly not to levels that would normally come from Sougo, but the warmth from both the temperature and the spice soothed his throat, which was raw from his coughing. He was grateful for Sougo's thoughtfulness, but... "Please don't worry yourself, Sougo-san! I'll be okay."

"Tenn-kun..."

"Thank you for the tea. I'll see you in the morning."

Sougo's furrowed eyebrows and frown pricked at the guilt Tenn was trying to ignore, but he didn't want to talk about Riku, which is where the conversation seemed to be going.

"I'm sorry for any concerns. I don't want to think about my brother right now, but I appreciate you looking out for me. Thank you."

Sougo's expression lightened so that Tenn felt a little better. "Sleep well. If there's anything you need, please let me know." He walked away, and Tenn's shoulders slumped as soon as Sougo was out of view.

Sougo was just wanting to help. Even then, thinking about Riku just made things worse. He sighed.

Laying on his bed after he finished the tea, Tenn closed his eyes. Sleep would help. He'd forget about everything tomorrow. He'd just have to go through a new day while not being the center of IDOLiSH7. He could do it. He'd be fine.

\---

  
_Tenn handed his supply of King Pudding to Tamaki. "Where's Riku's room?"_

_Tamaki, who was almost drooling at the sight of how much pudding he received, pointed in the direction of Riku's room. Tenn hardened his gaze as he walked there._

_Tenn knocked on the door, and a Riku with messy hair, wide eyes, and a gaping mouth was on the other side._

_"Tenn-nii? You're here?"_

_Tenn smiled so he wouldn't reveal his intentions. "Yes. Would you provide me company, Riku?"_

_Riku nodded, scrambling to let Tenn inside._

_Tenn looked around, taking in the setting of the room. It was red-themed, as Tenn expected with it being Riku's signature color. There was a large beanbag that had an indent as if from recent use. The television was on, paused on Tenn's face from after a live. He finally commented._

_"Have you been taking care of yourself? Seeing doctors and taking medicines?"_

_"Yeah..."_

_"You can turn off the TV. I'm right here." He gestured in the direction of where his own face was paused._

_Riku quickly reached for the remote and shut it off. "There. How are you, Tenn-nii? What are you up to?"_

_Tenn sat down next to Riku when his brother patted on the bed. "Okay, I'll talk with you." He took a moment before he replied. "I've been working hard. I hope you have as well."_

_"Are you going to tell me why you left us all those years ago like you promised?" Red eyes sparkled with hope; eyebrows betrayed nervousness._

_Instead of answering, Tenn focused on what he came for. "Riku, do you have anyone you like?"_

_Riku, with owlish and blinking eyes, looked confused. "Not really, but I have someone I'm interested in. Why?" His eyebrows raised as he came to a realization. "Is Tenn-nii coming to me for romantic advice?"_

_"Would you do anything for this person you're interested in? Would you go out of your way to try to make them happy?" Tenn ignored Riku's question. He had to get to where he was going or Riku's expression—wide eyes drifting towards his lap—would break him down. "My lovers are my fans, Riku. I'd do anything to make them happy. They're who matter most to me. If I don't give my all in a performance, there's no point in being on stage at all."_

_Riku's eyebrows knitted up in confusion as he looked up again. "What are you saying, Tenn-nii?"_

_He hardened his gaze. He didn't want to see Riku hurting, but what he was about to say was important. "If you can't fulfill the wishes of your fans and provide them an enriched concert, you're failing as a professional."_

_Riku's mouth gaped in shock. "Tenn-nii..."_

_"Nanase Riku, I refuse to see you as an idol."_

_The hurt flashing over Riku's features sent a shock of guilt through Tenn. He had to stay strong. He couldn't take anything back. Riku couldn't be on stage. He was going to hurt himself. If Tenn could do something at the risk of his brother hating him before, he could do it again. It was for Riku's sake._

_"What are you saying?"_

_Tenn pursed his lips to keep his composure. "Until you prove that your condition is nothing to stop your fans from receiving the dreamlike concert they paid for and took the time to come to, you will never be an idol in my eyes."_

_Riku looked at the verge of tears. He was chewing on his lip. He didn't reply, which left Tenn open to continue. He had to keep talking so he didn't back out of what he'd already decided on._

_"You couldn't keep the promise to your fans, and you never will from here on out. Resign from being an idol." Tenn balled his hand into fist and dug his nails into his palm. He was doing it for Riku. If Riku got a bad enough attack, he could die. Tenn had to do all he could to prevent that from happening, no matter the cost._

_"I couldn't keep that promise...?"_

_"The worst thing you could do is disappoint your fans. If anything happened to me and I hurt my fans because of it—_ especially _if I could've prevented it—I would never be able to forgive myself." He took a breath. He had to keep it together. He was being harsh for Riku's sake. "Even if they stop being my fan, I want them to look back at a performance I gave with a smile. I want them to know I gave them my all. You should think the same thing. You're a good kid who works hard, which is why I forgot you're my frail younger brother who can't run. I almost saw you as a rival, but then you reminded me that you're Nanase Riku, the weak boy with a severe condition. You aren't my rival. You're just a weak younger brother in a world he doesn't belong in."_

_Riku's eyes hardened, and he frowned as he slapped his hands on the bed to brace himself as he sharply stood up. "Stop it. You don't know what I deal with. Stop it, Kujou Tenn. I hate you!"_   


-

Tenn jolted awake. Confusion flooded over him. Nothing about that dream made sense. First of all, why would Riku's room have been where Tenn was laying at that very moment? It was even different than how Tenn's room looked; he didn't have a beanbag chair, for one thing. How would a room that he'd never seen before have been so detailed in a dream?

Tenn's thoughts shifted to other details of his dream. It was obvious that he'd been... Kujou Tenn, and his brother was Nanase Riku—rather than the opposite. Why did that not feel wrong? Why did something that should've been an immediately dismissed 'what if' feel so right?

'Kujou Tenn' didn't sound wrong. It sunk in his gut as though it were who he was. The personality he had... was familiar. The thoughts flowing through him as he went about trying to get Riku to stop being an idol so he wouldn't risk his own health weren't foreign to him.

What _was_ new was the detail of Riku telling him he had no idea what he dealt with. He _did_ know. Rather, he did now.

Wait... Why was he thinking as if that dream were a memory? That was impossible. Wasn't it?

Tenn stared at his ceiling while his thoughts buzzed.

It was just a stress reaction. He only thought that way because the image of Riku dancing alongside the rest of IDOLiSH7 kept vividly flashing through his mind. That was it. He was overthinking what was obviously just a dream. He was Nanase Tenn.

Even while he told himself that, he didn't quite believe it. A part of himself kept insisting that it was a real memory.

Tenn didn't want to believe it, though. He sighed.

"I'm Nanase Tenn," he said aloud. "I have an older twin who _used_ to be Nanase Riku, but now he's Kujou Riku."

It felt foreign on his tongue even though it was all he knew. He hoped that getting back to sleep would shake off whatever that stress-fueled dream was. He groaned in frustration and pressed his thumb and index finger against his eyes to try to urge himself to sleep.

_"I hate you!”_

Tenn winced as Riku's words shot through his mind again.

He rolled onto his side with a sigh, closing his eyes and hoping sleep would come to him and shake off the dream that kept driving him up the wall.

\---

Tenn woke up with a clear mind. While he was drowsy from the rough night, he wasn't worked up from his dream.

He stretched in his seat, taking a deep breath. His throat was still raw from how often he had to use his inhaler during rehearsal, but he wasn't as worn out as he would've been if he was still center.

Music from the TV made Tenn glance up. When he saw Riku's face, his dream came rushing back to him. He had been fine during rehearsal other than getting used to Iori being center, but with his dream rushing back, he bit his lip. Hearing Riku say 'I hate you!' ran through his mind again. He balled his hands into fists as he zoned out, glaring at the television as if it was the cause of all his problems.

"Tenn? You alright? You're staring at the TV pretty hard."

Tenn was ripped out of his thoughts when Yamato spoke up. He looked up to see his eyebrow raised in question, his mouth quirked into a concerned curve. 

"I'm okay." He wasn't completely honest there, but what could he do when he was dealing with what was obviously just the same stress from the same dream that didn't mean anything?

He sighed and hid his frown by drinking much-needed water. He'd gotten plenty with how many breaks he had to take during rehearsal, but he still needed more.

"If you're sure. Just remember that we're members, though, okay?"

Tenn nodded. "Thank you, Yamato-san. I just needed some water. I'll be fine in a few minutes." He really didn't want to talk about that dream. It seemed too real; he had to distract himself.

Except he couldn't get the image out of his head—how well the image of him alongside Yaotome Gaku and Tsunashi Ryunosuke fit.

How well Riku seemed to fit with IDOLiSH7 the day before.

Almost like... that was how it was meant to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He could hear a voice ringing in his ears, one familiar and not at the same time. Praising Zero, cursing Zero, begging Tenn to surpass him._
> 
> _His chest tightened, and he coughed._  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm, i love angst for breakfast
> 
> i hope you enjoy chapter 2!

It was a memory. The dream he had those few days ago had _happened_ , even if it felt impossible. And once that first memory slipped through, the floodgates opened and more followed.

TRIGGER winning against NO_MAD the year they debuted.

Losing to IDOLiSH7 the next year.

Kujou Takamasa posing as Zero at the grand reopening of the Zero Arena.

Tenn had no idea what happened, and even as he kept getting more and more memories and he could no longer deny the truth, he still couldn't believe it. It didn't make any sense.

He sighed. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. Maybe he could talk to Riku? Except. Tenn could barely believe that everything he thought he knew was a lie, so why would Riku?

He broke out in a sudden, disbelieving laugh. How could he be sure that he wasn't still having a bad stress reaction to everything that had happened?

"Are you okay, Nanase-san?"

Tenn jumped. He'd forgotten that he was in the living room of the dorms; he was lucky that Iori was the only other one in the room so there would be only one person worrying over him. He shook his head as if that could clear his thoughts and stood up with a long stretch.

"Yes. I just need to get some fresh air," he finally answered, inching closer to the door. He absentmindedly grabbed his mask and hat; he didn't want to risk getting caught by fans while he was worked up.

"Don't push yourself." Iori frowned, watching Tenn's movements carefully before he looked back down at the homework he was working on.

Tenn held back a sigh. He didn't want a lecture when his mind was already whirling. "Thank you for your concern, Iori."

\---

Fresh air didn't seem to help. Of course it wouldn't help; he was starting to get his memories back. And he was remembering stuff that he knew hadn't happened yet.

So then, he was sent back in time, too. That made even less sense.

Before he knew it, he found himself at the park overlooking Zero Arena. He never had an attachment to the location before, but he supposed it was calming. He figured there was a reason it was the Izumi brothers' favorite spot to unwind.

The arena loomed over him, its white structure reflecting the midday sun. It was spectacular, as large as the impact Zero left on Japan and the world, as beautiful as his music.

He could hear a voice ringing in his ears, one familiar and not at the same time. Praising Zero, cursing Zero, begging Tenn to surpass him.

His chest tightened, and he coughed.

He shook his head and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He had to get it together. He was Nanase Tenn; his imagination must be running wild. These kinds of things—time warps, alternate timelines—didn't exist. And yet, his conviction wavered.

He was so lost in thought and mixed memories that he didn't notice that he wasn't alone until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and spun around to see Iori and—and Riku?

Why was Riku here? He didn't want to talk to Riku, not when he was still trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't. He could let something slip. They would think he was out of his mind—maybe he was.

He snapped out of his thoughts when his breath caught in his burning throat. Right. Tenn was the asthmatic one, not Riku. He forced back the cough threatening to rack through him.

His startled gaze flicked between the two before it landed on Riku. "Wha-what are you doing here?" His voice was shaky and betrayed his impending cough. He cleared his throat before he continued. "And Iori, how did you know I came here?"

Iori shrugged. "Kujou-san arrived soon after you left, asking for you. It was easy to catch up."

"Thank you for the guide, Izumi Iori. I would like to speak to Tenn alone now, please." Riku's lips were pressed together in a thin line as he spoke. He was good at hiding the irritation in his tone, but his expression betrayed him.

Iori nodded and walked away, but instead of heading toward the dorms, he stopped on the stairs where Nagi had cheered them up after Music Festa. He remembered this clearly—Iori's tears, Nagi's dance.

But he also remembered watching IDOLiSH7's performance alongside Gaku and Ryuu. 

Riku cleared his throat and Tenn blinked, clearing away the conflicting memories. He seemed to be giving Tenn a chance to speak first.

"Riku-nii?" The honorific felt weird on his tongue now, but Tenn didn't want to stir up any suspicion. Not yet.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. What did you want to talk with me about?"

"Did you watch TRIGGER's live?"

Tenn nodded. "Yes." He didn't elaborate because there was no way he could say that the entire time he was watching, he could only think that it felt backwards.

Riku didn't seem to be interested in continuing that line of thought. "How have you been? Have you been seeing doctors and taking medicine?"

"Mmhm. Is that all you wanted to talk about, though?"

"Will you give me company?"

"Y-yes! I miss you, Riku-nii!" He bit his lip before he asked, "Will you tell me why you left like you promised?" That wasn't what was at the top of his mind, but he still wanted to know the answer, if only to compare with the nudging memory.

Riku seemed to avoid the question. "Is there anyone you like, Tenn?"

"Huh?!" That kind of topic made no sense—wait. His dream flashed in his mind. He swallowed. "Ummm. No? I don't think so." Especially since his perception of everyone got thrown off. "I might be interested in someone, but I'm not completely sure."

He could feel Iori's gaze on them from afar.

"You don't have a fierce dedication to anyone?"

"What do you—"

"The audience should be your lover, Tenn." Riku was practically glaring at him, his expression hard and merciless. "Your fans should be your number one priority. Yet you neglect your health and push yourself too far. You're going to hurt yourself on stage one day and disappoint your fans. You're not fit to be an idol."

Tenn swallowed hard. Even through the shock of what Riku just said, he could hear his own voice speak those same words. There was no way to ignore this anymore. He couldn't possibly deny it.

Guilt surged through Tenn. If this is how he felt on the receiving end of his own harsh judgment, Riku must have taken it even worse.

Tenn's resolve broke. He didn't want to see their conversation go how he remembered it. "Riku."

Riku's eyes widened and eyebrows flew up in shock. "E-excuse me?"

He ignored it. He looked at his brother with a serious gaze. "You really don't know, do you? You're supposed to be Nanase Riku of IDOLiSH7, not Kujou Riku of TRIGGER."

Unsurprisingly, Riku looked over Tenn as though he was looking for a sign of it being a joke. "Tenn, did you hit your head? I left years ago. I'm not Nanase Riku anymore."

Tenn tried not to wince. "You're supposed to be! And I'm supposed to be Kujou Tenn!"

Hearing himself in his head, Tenn mentally slapped himself. He wasn't explaining this well at all. No, he barely explained it. He probably just sounded like he was trying to urge Riku to come back home.

Instead of replying, Riku turned around and left in an elegant flourish. He paused beside Iori for only a moment before continuing on, never looking back. 

Without hesitating Iori rushed over and pulled out a—did he keep Tenn's inhaler in his pocket?

"Kujou-san said you're sick. Are you okay?"

Tenn sighed. He didn't know what else he expected out of telling Riku. "I promise I'm okay. No attacks. I'm not sick, either." He just didn't want to be the only one. 

Riku was the most likely to believe him, but he would need a plan for a situation this absurd. He couldn't just blurt it out again.

"If you say so..." Iori's eyebrows scrunched together before he glanced back at Riku, who had almost disappeared in the distance. "Why would he say you're sick when you're not, though?"

"I just said something he didn't like."

\--

Back at the dorms, there was chaos. Scattered King Pudding containers, a drunk Ryuu singing and dancing, and their regular soba delivery man flirting with Tsumugi.

"What happened?"

A drunk-flushed Yamato answered. "Not sure about anyone else, but Tsunashi-san was drunk enough that I didn't want to risk him being out alone."

Tenn looked over at the delivery man. "And you?"

"I, uh, offered to help set down the delivery."

Tenn narrowed his eyes."Are you flirting with our manager?"

He hesitated, turning his all-too familiar face away. "I'm simply asking a fair lady if she would rather hang out with a mere soba delivery man than an idol."

Tenn played with the idea of messing with him. The desire won. "Which idol, exactly?"

"Uh. Yaotome Gaku."

"Now that I think about it, you two look very similar." Tenn raised an eyebrow and smirked at the way the man shifted his stance awkwardly. "Where is Yaotome Gaku tonight, anyway?"

"Tenn-san, please!"

Tenn backed down at Tsumugi's protest. He would rather have messed with probably-Gaku more, but he didn't want to stress out their manager.

The tension got completely erased by a knock on the door. Tenn went to answer, then froze when he saw who was on the other side.

"Riku-nii, what are you doing here?"

He didn't get an answer. "I got a RabbitChat saying Ryuu is here. Do I need to take him off your hands?"

Tenn stammered and simply moved aside to let his brother in. Riku walked in, glanced at the delivery man, then at Ryuu before he returned his gaze to Probably-Gaku, looking up and down at his work clothes.

"Are you that sad?"

Probably-Gaku looked like prey backed into a corner. "What do you mean? I'm just a delivery man." Riku didn't look like he bought it, but he didn't press it. "Say, you two sure are alike," he added.

" _Shaking your heart!_ " Ryuu sang, cutting across the room.

Tenn pointedly ignored it and looked at Riku. He really wished his brother listened to him, but it seemed he would have to use other methods to convince Riku that things were messed up.

He was tired.

He left for his room without so much as a 'good night', and he ignored any urges for him to join dinner.

\---

Tenn woke up to a knock on his door. He winced as sunlight hit his eyes, rubbing them as he pushed himself up with his other arm.

"Come in," he grumbled.

"Nanase-san, are you still feeling ill?" Of course it was Iori.

"G'morn'n, Iori." Tenn was groggy, but waking up slowly. "I was never sick."

"You skipped dinner."

"I'm fine. I was just tired."

Iori raised an eyebrow. Tenn held his gaze.

The stare-down ended when Iori gave up with a sigh. "If you insist. I just don't want to see you pushing yourself too far."

"I won't. I need to be in my best condition so I don't disappoint the fans." It was the truth. He was a professional, after all. "Our fans come first."

Iori didn't question him any further. He set down a cup Tenn didn't notice he was carrying, then left the room after a quiet, "I need to get ready for school. Please don't overwork yourself during rehearsal today, Nanase-san."

Tenn hummed an affirmative, then stood up to take a sip of the tea.

\---

Tenn's head ached painfully. He peeked out through a slit in his eyes to take in his surroundings, but they flew open when he saw the empty walls and blinking machines of a hospital room.

He wasn't sure what time it was. His head felt foggy, his thoughts coming slowly and only halfway coherent. He breathed in through his nose, the sterile air of the room sending a prickle of needles creeping up his face. He didn't remember any dreams, so he figured he must've not been out too long.

There was a sharp intake of breath at his side. Tenn jumped and turned his head to see who was in the room with him, his eyes widening when he saw a shock of red.

"Riku?"

He wondered if he really was awake, but the sore throb of a bruise on his arm let him know that he was.

Riku hesitated, eyes narrowed just slightly, but shook it off quickly. "Tenn, what do you think you're doing? Didn't I say not to overwork yourself?" He had a serious look in his eyes.

Riku's frown didn't look right on his face. He should be smiling—but that wasn't right. The burning in his chest sent him crashing back down to reality, and he remembered. He wasn't Kujou Tenn.

He took a breath before answering. "I—I forgot about my asthma," he muttered.

"How could you forget about _your asthma_?! You've had it your whole life!" Yeah, he figured Riku would react like that.

Tenn held back a grimace at Riku's tone. "If I told you how, you wouldn't believe me," he said under his breath. Before he could find out if Riku heard him, he said louder, "I was tired enough that I forgot." That felt really lame, but he didn't know what else to say.

Riku didn't seem to buy it, either. "Are you sure? It sounds to me like you're just trying to tell yourself that you're suited to be an idol. Tenn, this is just one more reason that you don't belong in this world."

Tenn sat up, then got a head rush and winced. "No, I really did forget about my asthma. I'm not supposed to have it!" He knew he wouldn't get through to Riku just as he hadn't before, but no rationale could reach him when the words were spilling out faster than he could think.

"Is that it, Tenn? Are you just wishing that you didn't have asthma? That things were different?"

Tenn bit back a sigh. "Everything is wrong. You're not supposed to be in TRIGGER, Riku." His brother's eyes widened, and Tenn realized he hadn't been using honorifics this whole time. "I'm supposed to be TRIGGER's center. You're supposed to be IDOLiSH7's center. You're supposed to be the younger twin with asthma. One way or another, I will convince you."

Riku looked over him. "I'm not sure what you're trying to convince me of in the first place. Why wouldn't I be TRIGGER's center? Are you still upset about me leaving?"

Tenn noticeably winced this time. While he knew they weren't _his_ memories, the pain was still fresh enough as though they were. He sighed, his breath rough in his throat. "I'm not getting through to y—" Harsh coughs interrupted him, and he could hardly stop in between to get enough air.

Any further arguing was immediately dropped. Tenn couldn't breathe, and Riku rushed out of the room, the door banging against the wall in his hurry. Tenn tried to protest, but his words were broken off by coughs, and by the time he returned, Riku had brought along a nurse and medicine for another nebulizer treatment.

By the time the machine was on, Riku was giving Tenn a look. "Tenn, you really need to start taking your condition more seriously. If you can't guarantee being healthy on stage, you're not fit to be an idol."

"What about when you escaped from the hospital for a concert and had to be carried on Tamaki's back to the event?"

Riku looked shocked. "How... How did you know about that?"

"I told you." Tenn's teeth clenched onto the mouthpiece as he spoke.

Before Riku could respond, a knock from outside the room distracted them. Tenn responded with a 'come in' and the twins were greeted with a worried Iori whose gaze immediately hardened when he saw Riku.

"Kujou-san, what are you doing here?" Iori's voice was civil, but his eyes were narrowed and his words were clipped.

"Yotsuba Tamaki sent me a RabbitChat. I wanted to check on my brother." Riku put just a little too much emphasis on the last word for it to be subtle.

Iori gave a nod of acknowledgement before he turned his focus back to Tenn. "Nanase-san, I heard you overdid it in rehearsal. Kujou-san, please allow me to talk to Nanase-san privately."

Tenn sighed. "Whatever you have to say, I'm sure Riku-nii already said it. I just need to finish this treatment, okay?"

Iori looked between the twins, then nodded. "Alright. However, I'd like to stay in the room to make sure you don't get another attack caused by stress."

Riku narrowed his eyes. "Are you saying I don't know how to help my own brother?"

"Considering how long you were absent from Nanase-san's life, I'm sure you're not as familiar with his treatment plans."

"Why you—"

"Stop it!" Tenn snapped. "If you two are just going to argue, then I don't want either of you here."

That seemed to stop them, at least. The tension in the room was still heavy, however, and Tenn's chest felt tight despite the medicine he was breathing in.

Iori lifted his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat. "I apologize for my rudeness, Kujou-san. I am just concerned about Nanase-san's health."

"Thank you, Izumi Iori. I'm worried about Tenn's health as well."

Tenn let out a relieved sigh. The animosity lifted, and while Riku and Iori were still shooting glares at each other, at least they weren't fighting.

"Has Tenn mentioned anything about 'something' being wrong? Acting as though 'something' is messed up?"

Or so he thought.

"No...? Nanase-san, do you know what he's referring to?"

Tenn didn't give any sign of hearing Iori. He focused on breathing instead. The excuse didn't work for very long, however.

"Tenn, are you refusing to tell your own member about this?" Riku's tone pissed him off.

"I didn't tell Iori. I felt that this is something that doesn't involve the other members yet. But _you_ won't believe me, so why would they?"

Iori took a step forward. "What? What's going on, Nanase-san? What happened?"

Tenn sucked in a deep breath, and it hitched—from the treatment or from anxiety, he didn't know. "Everything about this situation is backwards. I'm not Nanase Tenn. I'm Kujou Tenn." He flitted his gaze to Riku. If nothing else, he wanted him to understand that he isn't making anything up.

He watched for a reaction from Iori, but his face was carefully blank. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I have memories of a world that doesn't exist." Tenn grabbed the hospital sheets in his fists. "But those memories are more real than this entire world. This isn't right."

Iori opened his mouth to respond, but his jaw snapped shut when Riku's phone buzzed.

Riku glanced down at the caller and he stood up abruptly. "I have to go." He didn't look at Tenn, and so he couldn't even tell if Riku was finally opening up to the idea that he might be telling the truth.

With their newfound privacy, Iori seemed less tense than he was with Riku in the room. "I wanted to make sure you're absolutely certain about this. You have no doubt in your mind that things are mixed up with you and your brother?"

Tenn didn't even have to think about it. "I am absolutely positive. There's no way I would be able to make up the memories I have." He took a moment before he added, "I hope Riku realizes, too."

The room was quiet for a few minutes, aside from the rumbling from the nebulizer. Tenn finished off his medicine and put down the mouthpiece. It was clear that Iori was thinking things over; Tenn knew the younger boy often took the weight of every member on his shoulder. His impression of Iori now, being members of the same idol group and getting to know him, was strikingly different from when he was TRIGGER's center and barely gave him any thought. The realization made Tenn's tongue swell in his mouth, and he found he couldn't look at Iori.

"—nase-san. Kujou-san." Tenn jumped, jerked out of his thoughts at the sound of the name—his name. "I guess if 'Kujou-san' catches your attention, then that confirms what you were saying." Iori cleared his throat. "Nikaidou-san sent me a RabbitChat telling me how our shuffle units were organized. You and I are with Ku—your brother. That should give you a decent chance to talk to him."

Tenn nodded, unsurprised. That was their group combination as he remembered it. "Thank you for letting me know."

He would have more chances to talk to Riku with this arrangement. He still had a chance to get through to him.

\---

" _Are you having an amazing time tonight?_ " Riku's voice on the TV shouted. The audience went wild, cheering Riku's name.

Even from how he talked to an audience, Tenn could tell he took concerts more seriously. Riku had a laser focus while he performed that made Tenn wonder if it was Kujou Takamasa's influence. His presence on the stage pulled Tenn in until he was totally absorbed, like a black hole.

He lifted his hand in a finger gun. " _Bang._ " The red accents on his costume shining in the spotlight caught Tenn's eye. It was weird, he thought. He could remember wearing those same costumes. But those red accents and belts, even if they were in the same place as Tenn's, looked out of place.

The camera changed as the MC Corner started. The audience waved their penlights wildly, a sea of blue and gray and red. But the dots lighting up the dark audience seemed to consume the other two colors, its vibrancy contrasting so sharply that Tenn barely noticed anything else.

The TV shut off abruptly, causing him to jump. Tenn was so absorbed that he had missed Iori coming in, let alone that he was standing next to the TV.

"Nanase-san, watching them won't help. I don't want to see you get stressed over TRIGGER." Iori's eyebrows pinched together. His fingers drummed on the top of the TV.

Tenn pursed his lips. "I know it won't help. It's just..." His eyes flickered back to the TV, his own reflection staring back at him where Riku had been just a moment ago.

Iori shook his head and sat next to Tenn. "Are you comparing yourself to him? There's nothing we can do until you can talk to Kujou-san. Even then, do you know what caused this?"

"No. But I was hoping if I could get my memories back, maybe Riku can too." Tenn's phone buzzed with a message while he spoke, but he ignored it.

Iori opened his mouth to reply, but a knock on the door interrupted him.

"Tenn, Iori, dinner's ready." Mitsuki popped his head in the room. His gaze lingered a little too long on Iori, lips quirking up in a smirk.

Iori narrowed his eyes at his brother slightly, confusing Tenn. He looked between them, but he couldn't figure anything out before Iori stood up abruptly.

"Come on, Nanase-san. Make sure you have enough food," Iori rushed out. If Tenn wasn't mistaken, he had a light blush across his cheeks.

"I'm fine, Iori. I haven't had any issues since I came back from the hospital." Tenn stood up, following the brothers to the common area.

The others were already at the table, too absorbed in conversation to notice when the three of them entered. Tenn wasn't a stranger to their group dinners, but even so he felt a pit in his stomach at the sight.

This wasn't right. Even if he had memories of Mitsuki's gourmet meals and easy banter with the other members of IDOLiSH7, they were wrong. He wasn't supposed to be here.

Because he wasn't truly Nanase Tenn.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see Iori standing next to him, as if guiding him toward the table. As if he belonged here.

Somehow, that simple gesture helped.

He barely sat down when a knock cut through what felt like silence.

Tamaki shot out of his chair and went to answer, but he didn't open the door enough that Tenn could see their guest. "Rikkun! Are you here to see Tenten?"

Tenn immediately straightened.

"Say, Kujou's been coming over a lot lately," Yamato commented.

Tenn barely heard him. He hurried to the door, panting lightly even from that short distance.

He didn't have a chance to say much of anything before Riku grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the hallway. A yelp slipped out of his mouth.

"What's going on?" Tenn asked, looking at his brother.

"You didn't reply to my message."

"What did it say?"

Riku sighed, glancing over Tenn. "It said I'm going to give this mixup thing a chance."

Tenn stifled any visible signs of his relief. "I appreciate that."

"So, tell me about this. How much, exactly, _do_ you remember?"

"I think I remember stuff that hasn't happened yet." Tenn paused, trying to think of an example. He glanced around to make sure there weren't any nearby people who could overhear. "Is TRIGGER doing a musical?"

Riku looked surprised as he nodded. "Yes."

Tenn took a moment to think that over. He knew that meant that other pieces of things he remembered probably meant they would happen as well.

"Why are you getting memories and I'm not?"

Tenn looked at Riku. He really didn't have an answer for that. "I don't know. I don't know what even caused it. I started getting memories after you took over for me during that rehearsal."

"You don't think that's what sparked it, do you?"

Tenn shrugged. "Maybe? I don't know."

Riku looked thoughtful. "What if it works both ways?"

Tenn raised an eyebrow in response. "And how do you propose that would happen? There's no way President Yaotome would allow that."

"No, I'm not saying something like a performance. I bet I can talk Gaku and Ryuu into karaoke and have you fill in for me."

He thought that over. "Alright."

Any further conversation was interrupted by a sudden chill that left Tenn shivering.

"Wh—" Tenn's question got cut off by a coughing fit. The cold didn't last for very long, but it was enough to send him into an attack.

"Tenn? Are you okay?"

Tenn couldn't reply. He dug through his pocket desperately, thankful that he had his inhaler on him. He fumbled with the cap and held it to his lips, releasing a couple puffs before he was able to calm down. 

"What happened?"

When Tenn could breathe well enough to reply, he managed, "You didn't feel that?"

Riku looked confused. "Feel what?"

"A sudden chill! You didn't—" He started coughing again. "What—What happened?"

Riku simply looked confused. "I didn't feel anything."

Tenn looked around and didn't see anything. Especially nothing that would cause chills. 

Riku looked around, and expressed similar results. "It must have been a draft. We should go back inside."

Tenn wasn't entirely convinced, but he nodded and pushed the door back open, only to feel the tension in his shoulders dissipate immediately when he saw that there was no one on the other side listening in.

The table was cleared, the other members finished with dinner, but Tenn's food was still on the table.

"Tenn-kun, are you okay?"

Tenn glanced over at Sougo, who was approaching with a concerned look.

"Yes. Riku-nii just wanted to talk to me!" He felt his brother's gaze burning into the back of his head.

"Tenn had an asthma attack while we were out. Please make sure he receives proper treatment to recover from it."

Tenn whipped around to look at Riku. "I'm fine! You didn't need to tell the others!" He got a doubtful look in response.

"You need to make sure you're taking care of yourself, Tenn."

He flung the door open and gestured toward it, glaring at Riku with all the heat he could muster. "Thank you, Riku-nii, for making sure I got back safely. Take care!" He was dismissing his brother harshly, but he didn't want to get the same lecture he was used to.

Riku frowned, opening his mouth before closing it again. He was quiet for a moment before he muttered, "Night, Tenn."

"Good night, Riku-nii."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ciel truly is the MVP for helping me with this, enabling every single idea i have
> 
> MAN i'm so excited for ch 3.
> 
> look forward to TRIGGER! which version do i mean? nobody knows.

**Author's Note:**

> okAY SO HERE'S THE DEETS kindred spirits is " _done_ " but not done being _edited_. that's the only thing that would stop me from updates. i wanted ch 1 out do u feel me ;w; please hang in there with any waits!
> 
> -
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY BETA [CIEL](https://twitter.com/polythagoras) YOU'RE AMAZING
> 
> -
> 
> i'm also on [twitter](http://twitter.com/mitsumomos)! i have a lot of feelings about pythag trio


End file.
